Time for some limericks....

[Sheik]

There once was a couple named Kelley,
Who lived their life belly to belly.
Because in their haste
They used Library Paste,
Instead of Petroleum Jelly.

_____________________________


A worried young man from Stamboul
Founds lots of red spots on his tool.
Said the doctor, a cynic,
"Get out of my clinic;
Just wipe off the lipstick, you fool!"

_____________________________

There once was a man named flit
he poetic musings weren't quite it
but he knows a strip bar
like the inside of his car
so the dancers, for him, never quit

_____________________________

There once was a lady from Texas,
who was cast off by all of her exes.
For though she looked great,
(way over an eight),
she said "I don't know what sex is."

[Willywants]

I think I posted this one way back!

There was a young queer from Khartoum,
Who took a lesbian up to his room!
He said, "Now let's get this straight,
Before it's too late,
Who does what, with which, and to whom??"

[Average Joe]

There was a young sailor named Bates
Who did the fandango on skates
He fell on his cutlass
Which rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates.

[Fine Wine]

There once was a modern young chick
Who wished above all to be chic.
She thought it much better
(Not to mention discreeter)
To do it with a sheik with a 'Sheik."



FINE WINE

[DavidO]

[deleted]
Sorry, I decided it really wasn't funny...

Or, better:

There was a young man from Japan
Whose poetry never would scan.
When asked why this was
He said, "It's because
I always try to get as many words into the last line of every poem that I write as I possibly can."


DavidO
(who neither answers to Dave nor is from Japan)

[bobistheowl]

A sickly young virginal bride
Bit a green apple and died

And the apple fermented
Inside the lamented

Turned to cider insider inside.

[PraiseTheLoad]

There was a young lady called Alice,
Who peed in a Catholic chalice.
The Padre agreed
It was done out of need,
And not out of Protestant malice.

[PraiseTheLoad]

A highly bored damsel called Brown,
Remarked as she laid herself down:
'I hate to be doing
This promiscuous screwing,
But what else can you do in this town?'

[PraiseTheLoad]

There was a fair lady at sea
Who said: 'How it hurts me to pee.'
'I see,' said the mate,
'That accounts for the state
Of the captain, the purser, and me.'

[great bear]

There was a young boy from Troy
Who thought his winkie a toy
He chewed it and bit it
In three days he shit it
Now he's no longer a boy.

[PraiseTheLoad]

There once was an artist called Tensill
Whose tool was as sharp as a pencil.
He drove through an actress,
The sheet and the mattress,
And shattered the bedroom utensil.

[PraiseTheLoad]

The limerick's an art form complex
Whose contents run chiefly to sex
It famous for virgins
And masculine urgings
And vulgar erotic effects

[Swerve69]

There was a young man from Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seeds
Great tufts of grass shot out of his arse
And his cock was covered in weeds

[Swerve69]

Used to know one about a young man from Kent whose cock was all buggered and bent

dah dah dah (can't remeber the middle bit)
Daha dah dah
And instead of coming he went

[bobistheowl]

There was a mechanic named Fred
Who's dick had a corkscrew shaped head

He found, having hunted
A girl, corkscrew c*nted

But alas, with a Fred-reversed thread

[WhaWhaWha]

There once was a lad from Nantucket
Whose appendages were all in porportion to his body.